Notes on Self Love

In my former Pilates studio, the chiropractor with whom I shared an office placed a scale in the hall. I was mortified and immediately created the sign above. 

This message, “This scale can only give you a numerical reflection of your relationship with gravity. That’s it. It cannot measure beauty, talent, character, purpose, possibility, strength, or love.“, is something I circulate periodically, and if anyone has a scale for weighing themselves, please add this note to it (or get rid of the scale!).

The persistent influence of society at large telling us we are not enough without their lotion, potion, pill, surgical procedure, or other beauty aide, begins earlier with each generation (looking at you, social media). As a former Pilates studio owner and instructor, a great deal of my job was spent as a quasi therapist combatting the societal programming of comparison and not-enough-ness. 

“Accept and love your body (and yourself) as you are — cellulite and all — and offer gratitude” was frequently mentioned between the hundred, arm circles, and push throughs.

Most humans struggle with providing themselves grace. I can certainly raise my hand to this experience — combo this with having been married to a malignant narcissist — led to years of various therapies to recover from emotional abuse, OCD, and PTSD. I am also a recovering perfectionist. As a side note, I feel that moving a step beyond ‘not giving a fuck’ to ‘neutrality’ is a huge win! 

Self love is at the core of healing. We must learn to love ourselves, flaws and all. We are making progress when we love ourselves enough to want to attract and be around others who truly love and accept us, as we are – not who they want us to be. Some of my friends won the lottery with their family or partner, before they addressed the need for healing from [enter applicable trauma here]. 

Note: courage plays a significant role in setting healthy boundaries and ‘No.’ is a complete sentence. 

Advice: create a list on how you plan to love yourself. I am a ‘list’ person. I make lists for everything, from groceries to goals. When I awoke to the reality of my circumstances with my former spouse, I wrote out a list of the ways that I wanted to feel about myself and took the necessary steps to achieve them. 

This does not have to be a lonely journey. Find your people. You will attract others along the same route, who are all taking their own loving steps in their own sweet time.